Independence from dependence

On this lovely 4 day Thanksgiving weekend I prepared my heart and that of my family for praising God with an attitude of gratitude. I was quite blessed by the amount of joy and peace we were able to share with others as we prepared for a rather hectic week that was first and foremost Christ centered.
So...I was truly unprepared to leave our Wed-before-Thanksgiving  prayer night with a request from my Papa God to fast from caffeine. It seemed like such an odd request but as I am day 3 w/o any caffeine, my journey is definitely one to note. So let me share with you the joy in my break away from caffeine.

A bit of background on my caffeine intake and need. As a mother of 4 broad range age children, a full time engineering student  and wife to a man working 7 days a week right now - I'm a bit crunched for time. It takes lots of prayer to remain sane, lots. But never underestimate the power of prayer! ;) Needless to say as my semester has progressed so has my caffeine intake.

Wednesday night during our prayer session, I confessed before the Lord a hefty load of sins (yes, I'm a sinner, pray for me!). One area He clarified for me was a lack of trust. I wanted to argue with Him but it was Him, what else could I say but, "Show me." I got a bulging headache and was really tired and immediately thought of reaching for some type of caffeine (soda, coffee, energy drink, even diet pills). Sad, isn't it? I didn't even think of taking an asprin?!! I prayed for soda!! LOL...crazy, I know (remember the sanity prayer?); our conversation was pretty direct at that point as He clarified a need for clean and detox the caffeine.He revealed it was truly a lack of trust and a lack of care. When I think of my physical health, I think of:
1 Corinthians 6:19
Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own?

But when I think of trust:
Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the LORD with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight. 

My way was drinking coffee, followed by a red bull, while taking energy pills and vitamins in between meals. Unable to sleep in due to the rigorous 6 am wake up call my children get, (and now give back on Holidays) my days continue to begin promptly at 6. So as Thanksgiving was upon us bright and early, I experienced similar pains early in the day as well as fatigue. Who would of thought my body would still be tired after 10 hrs of sleep in 3 days? As my detox weekend continued, I realized that my dependence on caffeine substituted my dependence on the Almighty.

When we issue our own execution of His plan, it doesn't quite come out the Way He meant. Jeremiah 29:11 is a promise I cling to daily but I undertook that promise and executed it in my own understanding. I wasn't recognizing how much He wanted me to depend on Him for strength - to rest when He says rest - or be of sound mind and body when my 16 month old colors my body with markers because he woke up before me.

I'm called to be so much more than a caffeine junkie, one prayer away from becoming undone, and certainly not the best picture of the Almighty to the saved or unsaved. I don't believe I'm called to save anyone. As a wife, mother, daughter to the Almighty, student, friend, sister, classmate, I'm called to be a Light. I wasn't able to be that Light because I wasn't plugged in to the Ultimate Source. Yes, I was praying. Yes, I was doing my devotions. Yes, I've been in church. Yet, something in me was depending more on the caffeine to get me through exams, prepping for holidays and a busy family. And My Papa was kind enough to not let it go any further.

A change of heart, diet, attitude or habit are only a prayer away. And the promises of His Word are those that allow us to move past small issues to big ones and back again. I've watched the Lord change my life by miles and still fix the block right up the road. Open every avenue to let Him in and Lead; there is rest, peace, joy, kindness, gentleness and love waiting for you.

In these 3 days of independence, I've heard my Papa call me clearly. I've walked out in faith in other areas of my life. I've been blessed to enjoy my children and this time off. And now, as I reflect on these days - I'm so grateful. I prayed for rest and He gave it to me in such a way that I can't thank Him enough. I was tired...I couldn't say anything else about my life these past couple of months and this weekend I was given rest.  I'm thankful for a God who gives me what I need. In two weeks I have finals and I found new strength and will finish the race! :)

Be blessed with ears to hear our Papa guide you and direct your steps and enjoy the victory of all He has already done in our lives and continues to do!

Isaiah 40:31 (NASB)

Yet those who wait for the Lord
Will gain new strength;
They will mount up with wings like eagles,
They will run and not get tired,
They will walk and not become weary.

Roll call...

I am often the Jonah type, running from the pretty large tasks my Great Father gives. Pretty hard to admit but it's about accountability, right? I understand why, I know how, but there are times I'm just looking up thinking, 'I don't have it in me to do that?!!! You know that!!'
For example, sometimes I don't want to like everyone. There are people I have a hard time swallowing, or people I'm expected to feed back in love...it's not a pretty sight. It's a lack of trust, faith, forgiveness, mercy, compassion...I could keep going. I end up more upset because now I feel even more unworthy. Like I said, ugly.
I prayed and I turned to His Word...in the end, a Christian Rap song summed it for me:
I would be so hood if it weren't for His Grace

Somehow, knowing that others struggle like me gave me comfort. Maybe I wasn't exactly ghetto but I sure want trying to be civil!

I don't need to agree with everyone or support all their decisions...just be there. So much rejection is bred by neglect and initiated by doubt and passed off as fear. What I realized He was asking of me was to be present. What a comfort to know that He is there, always. If I'm to be like Him, I too, am just to be present.
Giving Him whatever I got means he'll use my 'I don't know what to tell them' and turn it into whatever He knows they need. Like lunch with a friend, a skype session, or even a hug. How great is it to know that I don't have to have the answer going into something?!! I just have to be obedient when called.

John 8:28-29 NASB

So Jesus said, "When you lift up the Son of Man, then you will know that I am He, and I do nothing on My own initiative, but I speak these things as the Father taught Me.  And He who sent Me is with Me; He has not left Me alone, for I always do the things that are pleasing to Him."