Identity Crisis

http://bible.com/100/EXO3.11.NASB But Moses said to God, "Who am I, that I should go to Pharaoh, and that I should bring the sons of Israel out of Egypt?" Bible.com/app

I grew up with very little in my home, on my back, in our fridge and even for a short amount of time with no home. And while I had very little in possessions and positions, I was blessed to have much more in faith. I had a mom who loved me and as time past, many friends and families that I had the joy of belonging to. But growing up poor you get a slightly blurred sense of value. Yes, I'm not very materialistic but I do often question my value. I question if I'm meant to be all the hopes and dreams I've haad as a kid.

See, growing up with nothing can sometimes make you feel like you're nothing too. I sure tried to be a winner. I exceeded in the academic arena and logistically planned my future that wouldn't be lacking. But as I approach the finish line of my collegiate career, despite many, many, many setbacks...here I am. And I can't help but wonder, Who am I?

Because if I'm the ghetto, homeless, single parent household, daughter of an immigrant, teenage pregnancy, divorcee girl...then the hope and faith I had as a child is definitely gone. And the great, bright future I and so many along the way have encouraged me would be here...it would be ok if I never got there. Because that girl, she didn't have it in her to stomach something good. She had been so used to bad that good just seemed to not happen to that girl; no, not to me.

But if I'm a redeemed, resurrected, been set free, daughter of the King, friend to the One who was, who is and is to come...if I'm that girl...than I can accept a good gift. I can accept a good thing happening. I can grasp the Promises that I've been set free from that girl. If...

I think Moses had an identity crisis too. But it wasn't his own identity Moses had mistaken, it was God's.

I grew up with this mean bully. She used to tell me I looked ugly, I was dumb, I wasn't good enough, nobody would ever love me,...she was real mean. And she followed me every where. And no matter how much I tried to ignore her, she just kept on going. That bully was me. I beat myself up mentally and drove myself mad with determination. I wouldn't give up because I could hear the insults flying faster than I can type! It was a nightmare when things seemed to end up in another catastrophe. I know now there is a liar and a thief who comes to kill, steal and destroy and he sure was winning with me.

Fast forward to today. I've been blessed to learn and know who God is and in return gain a much better idea of Who I am. Today I needed to revisit this because I was in a slump. My past situations and accomplishments were starting to create the definition that I and I alone made up who I am. But in reality, without Jesus I'm not the somebody I want to be. Without His Truth, my future is grim. Without His Peace, I'm not able to deal with the troubles of this world and without His Love, I'm not redeemed.

If you're having an identity crisis and can't seem to find who you are, I implore you to seek first Who Jesus Is. Only He can create beauty from ashes. Don't allow the enemy of your soul to kill, steal and destroy all Who God has made YOU to be.
Heavenly Father, lover of my soul. Thank you. Thank you for having faith when I am faithless. Thank you for loving me when I did not know you. Thank you that who I am rests in who You are. Help me to recognize the lies of the enemy. Forgive me for trying to change things without You. I trust in all You have planned and trust that even in my insecurities, Your power is made perfect. I don't like to be weak Lord but knowing that You are taking care of everything brings me peace. Thank you Lord, thank you. In Jesus's name I pray, amen.