Going...going...gone!

I've felt lately the need to go. Over the past couple of months I've understood this need to GO as the need for  
-personal change: I cut my hair short 
-relocation: we thought and planned for an outer island move - turned out to be a no
-change in major: I ended up taking the semester off


Where these are just a few areas I feel could be labeled "FAIL - not what He meant", I've thought more and more about what this has meant to me.  My pastor's theme for 2012 was Off the Shelves and although I've heard the Spirit calling me to go, I haven't quite been able to figure out where?! For a stay at home mom, I really wasn't around anyone older than 2 years old other than family, friends and church ohana, but I knew I must be missing someone or something. Small kine frustrating...


 I recently finished a book about a wonderful Christian man and his wife called in the Spirit to go and his life of going! I thought, this is helpful - I can see how and where the Lord used him and his family! But as I read the book I realized there was no real formula for his events and areas he felt called to, barely an epiphany of what this man's calling was. I realized from his example, it was about listening. 


Now I realize, it wasn't what I could do to go, it's who I can follow - Jesus! It's about being obedient, reading my bible, a thriving prayer life, cleansing and correcting!! There's so much in just the little things, how much have I missed buzzing through life? In my moment of 'stillness' there still so much to learn and observe. Aiya what a dodo! Our society paints pictures of such individual growth and grandeur...omg, was I biting like crazy! No wonder I couldn't hear more...I wasn't really listening for the answer!! Again, my kids are so much like me! I call them, they come and I begin to speak, "Go..." and they're off...to where they don't know! Then they come back and realize," Oh, where?" I wonder what is wrong with my kids?! Lmbo...what is wrong with me?!! So eager to be obedient yet so portagee in following! 


Maybe God wasn't calling me to cut my hair, move my home or change my major. Maybe He was seeing if I would stay and listen?

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
Jeremiah 29:13 

Still, silent and ready

I have recently learned (the very hard way) that there will be times in my adult Christian life that I must be still and silent. What does that mean in our society? What does that mean as an adult? And especially as a mother of 4...what does that mean? I've toggled back and forth with my 2 year, lol...all of them actually, to sit in time out and refocus. Then I realized, I can't even sit still at the traffic light! My wonderful 3g phone with email, apps and games allowed my mind to constantly be filled...but with what?

When my loving Father brought my world to a stand still I realized that even in the hustle and bustle of daily life I could find many moments to be still. It was my mind that needed to be still and silent. It was my need for more that needed to be silent and still. It was the 'inner' me that God wanted and the 'inner' me that was the loudest and constantly in motion. It was no wonder I couldn't hear Him, I was too busy rambling on about me.

Over the past few weeks, slowly but surely I have found many ways of being still and silent. I no longer pick up my phone during traffic but pray instead if I need to talk. I'll lie awake in bed just being still and silent. I don't contemplate the next 12 hours, 7 days, month, year and so forth...every moment something comes up.

I have found peace in 'inner' silence. I have found growth in no movement. Funny, I would've never thought that to move forward and grow you would need to take a time out. Guess we really do learn all we need in Kindergarten.

Lam 3:28 Let him sit alone and keep silent, Because God has laid it on him