Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Ecclesiastes 4:9-11 (NIV)

I've often felt alone in my life. As I grew up with my Mom, a hard working, single mother, I felt alone while she was gone working. When I was studying and all my friends were enjoying their teenage years, I felt alone in my goals. When I got pregnant in high school, I felt alone in my struggle as I gave up an opportunity for college. Even when I was married to a man who didn't love me, I felt alone. As a single parent, I felt alone. When my third pregnancy had me home alone while my boyfriend went out to party, lonliness crept in to my life again. I can continue to point out moments in my life where I felt so alone it hurt. But instead, I wanted to share the hardest journey I've had since - determination in my relationships to reach out.
After accepting and embracing the identity of being alone, it has truly been difficult to try hard and cut past the shield of lonliness to create and solidify real, healthy relationships. My marriage, my children, my friends...I've been so good about keeping them at bay. The biggest was Jesus. But when I finally surrendered my hurt and pain of lonliness, He asked me to do something even harder, reach out. With my Lord, it was about learning to love because I am loved. In my marriage, I've had to open up and let go of the barriers that I thought protected to me to experience a true bond I never thought possible. With my children, who went back and forth from my house to their fathers, it was about teaching them to build bridges that take time because they were worth it.  With my friends, it was about showing them the good, the bad and the ugly so that they could help me through it and one day I could be there for them.
This verse has come up over and over in marriage and friendship devotions but today I read this verse and was reminded of the lonely person who reaches out. The Lord knew we needed one another to prosper (a good return for their labor), for help (can help the other up), for compassion (but how can one keep warm alone?). When we trust in Jesus to instruct our way of life, we can struggle past the hardest moments of our life - with someone. And our good God, He puts amazing people in our path to help us through, display compassion when we have none, and show us the prosperity that doesn't depreciate.
I'm so blessed to have found the Lord and learned the joy and strength in reaching out. I pray that you all are blessed with the same. The good plans He has will get you through anything and the greatest gift will not be the end but the journey.

Heavenly Father, You have always been present in my life, through the lonliness, rejection, storms ands trials. There were many times I didn't see You there or hear the help You sent, forgive me. But today, when I fight against the pride and the pain of lonliness, remind me gently with a voice from a loved one, a prayer from a friend. More importantly, help me cry out to You and those You have placed in my life. Because I seek to experience the prosperity, joy, love and healing that comes from knowing You and those You put in my life. In Jesus Christ I pray, amen.

Til Death Do Us Part

I remember very little, very clearly. Everything I remember is kind of like the old movies with fuzz and fade to it. My family teases me about it and everyone understands, Tiff is just so busy. But there are those moments that are just unforgettable. Like my wedding day, when I gave birth (all 4 times) or many other times when we felt as if only God where allowing us to watch. Sometimes it happens like that with bad memories too. I remember the few car accidents I've been in. I remember leaving my ex-husband and packing my kids in the car. I remember the day my husband drove away. There are just things we don't forget - even if we want to.
I guess because I don't remember much, if I remember something, its rather hard to un-remember it. And sometimes, with bad memories, we don't want to let them go and it holds us back from forgiveness. Now, God did NOT create no doorknobs but He did fearfully and wonderfully extend us grace and forgiveness.
Phil 2:8 NASB reminds us:
Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.
So all those bad memories, from anyone they may stem from, we are asked to forgive and be obedient, even to the point of death. Merriem-Webster online defines forgive:

transitive verb

1

a : to give up resentment of or claim to requital for <forgivean insult>

b : to grant relief from payment of <forgive a debt>

2

: to cease to feel resentment against (an offender) : pardon<forgive one's enemies>

Amazing to me that it is found to be a transitive verb; it's a relational verb. It means that it relates not only one thing to another but also to something else. Forgiveness is not only related to what is being forgiven (or not), it spills over into other parts of our life. When we hold on to unforgiveness we hold on to the hurt and pain instead of allowing for true and fruitful restoration. It's a difficult, difficult act. When we remember why we need a Savior, it makes much more sense. We need someone to teach us to forgive, or we won't ever be fully healed and it will spill over into other parts of our lives, affecting who we are, how we act and what we do. Anything with that great an influence needs containment, don't you agree?
Whether you hold on to small resentment or you have years of bitterness, forgiveness isn't about justice. It's about us and our Savior. I had a great sister in Christ remind me, my forgiveness was not about the other person, it was about me and my Lord. It was holding me back from Jesus. Talk about relational! I wasn't trusting the God of the Universe to work out what had happened; to use it for good; to reveal to me His ultimate plan; to refine me and discard the worst parts of my heart. I was just, sisters and brothers, very just in my reason to be angry, hurt, upset; but I was still in disobedience by holding on to unforgiveness. When you have experienced hurt that penetrates deep, you build up walls and use those memories as the mortar that hold them all together. The pain you felt is each brick on that wall that guards your heart from feeling that way again. Honestly, it's the human version of the band aid. When we have up all these band-aid walls, we even keep out Jesus. When we break a leg, does the cast stay on for the rest of our lives? Not even close! If we never decide to remove the band-aid on our hearts, how can we see the restoration that God has planned for us? Tell me you're feeling the excitement I do as you place together the pieces and say, I will let go of my sorrow, my pain, my hurt today?!! I know it's not easy and you really can't let go of all it the first time. A scripture that has given me so much restoration is Ps 51:10.
Create in me a clean heart, O God,
And renew a steadfast spirit within me.
To fathom the thought that Jesus can give us new, clean hearts. What a thought! Do you need a clean, new heart today to experience the steadfast spirit David describes? You don't know if you can run a mile unless you try. It feels like death when we pull off that band-aid. It really does. I know. I really do. But can we be that obedient, to the point of our own death, to see the riches and peace the bible describes? I will tell you personally, it's not an easy, quick, simple task. Sometimes we will have to forgive and forgive and forgive. But don't despair. Use that emptiness, of letting go, to allow for the Creator of the Universe to truly heal you, inside and out. Watch how this relational verb, forgive, gives you a new heart and an enduring spirit.


Oh Lord, you are GOOD, but sometimes this life is not. I have held on to hurts and pains and made my own walls of protection to feel safe and strong again. But I was wrong. Help me to see that You hold the true power to heal me and that I don't deserve distance from You, no one does. I want to be healed and I want to let this go but it's not easy. It feels like I'm dying. But my trust is in You. I will die holding onto this or I will die right now, giving it to You. I trust in Your Promises and all the plans You have for me. I give this unforgiveness to You, my Lord, my Savior. And I ask for a new heart, a clean one that will give me the endurance to run this race and finish well. I thank you for this transparent time with You. In Jesus' name, amen.  

Walking on Water

For I have learned to be content whatever the circumstance...phil 4:11

What a concept that I have the hardest time living out. I'm grateful that Jesus is holding my hand and reminding me of this because on my own, I couldn't. Which explains the latter verse, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. (phil 4:13). (I'm so glad the Lord made it clear, I need simple!) I've listened to Him speak to me and guide me into what I need, what others around me need and still not "ruin my plans" of a happily ever after, not-so-ridiculous home, semi-behaved children and a continuous college journey...not to mention other perks along the way. I don't mean to compare but I can help but keep up with the Joneses. I don't think I look exactly to one particular 'Jones', although the Joneses I do know have it together, which still makes it hard. Besides control issues, my biggest issue is trust. In a world of instant-gratification, we needn't 'trust' on something or someone for very long without some type of result. What if God's timing sometimes doesn't work out for my plans? There's that issue of trust again...do I trust He has a better plan for my life than me??

But one thing I am certain, leaving behind and pressing forward to the upward call of Christ. (phil 3:1). Keeping this verse on the forefront of my mind has allowed my Lord to come into my thoughts about comparison, lack of (items, position or even trust) and it reminds me He is in charge and I asked Him to be. I'm grateful for it, everyday, but I confess it's a horrible struggle and I'm sure He shakes His head but doesn't give up on me (while I would give up and shake my finger! ;p). It's a daily thing, taking up our cross, but it's a wonderful freedom to have peace in a times of a storm or even a drought. Jesus said, "You of little faith..."(matt 14:22-33). Are you ready? Am I ready, to walk on water and experience His miracle in the storm? 

The Happy Christian...

It started off with a simple question at the beginning of our conversation, 'How are you?' Initially, I wanted to reply:
Today is just the end of a really hard week and I feel beaten and junk and there's nothing left in me.
But I thought twice and about 3 seconds after the question it came out more like 'I'm good,' with a deep inhale.

Thank the Good Lord Above it was my accountability partner on the other end because in those 3 seconds of silence and inhaling, she knew my words didn't come close to expressing HOW I was on the other end of her phone. What a glorious moment when the Holy Spirit intercedes! She responded with a pause and an inhale of her own and we both laughed knowing that our actions were an agreement to our own heavy mind filled thoughts and emotions. We joked about how we should be those happy Christians filled with joy to all those who pass! We want to carry that demeanor but today, during both of our hard seasons, we were struggling.

Being the blossoming green tree in the summer desert of Psalms is a personal goal of mine. It's so very personal for me because my life has had many seasons of deserts. It was a scripture meant for me. So at moments when I felt more like the half dead brown I am disappointed by my lack of green.

Although my words lacked depth, my actions did not. The Holy Spirit intervened and we both hung up with renewed strength. That conversation gave me a chance to exhale all the stinking thinking and take a moment to change my perspective. I was blessed by that moment. I was able to process my feelings (a vent session followed!). But,  I was able to draw comfort in the truth about myself and in being honest too. 

2 Corinthians 12:9 NASB

And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness."  Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.

My weakness is that I'm not always joyful and I let the dry heat of the desert evaporate my Living Water. Thankfully not to death, rather to a greater understanding of Grace and Weakness. That one moment is still changing my perspective and I truly, in all joy and hope, am grateful for that. I'm grateful He loves me just as I am. Even when I'm not the Happy Christian. I am not letting go of that goal; I'm just changing the direction of my perspective to Someone Higher.

Psalm 34:1-3 NASB

I will bless the LORD  at all times;
His praise shall continually be in my mouth. My soul will make its boast in the LORD ;
The humble will hear it and rejoice. O magnify the LORD  with me,
And let us exalt His name together.

We all could use room to improve but there are times we also need to stop ignoring our inner thoughts and feelings and accept that the Good Lord knows... And He isn't denying your less-than-perfect feelings. It's okay you're a little broken, because ONLY then will we know clearly when something amazing was 100% God given. And those silence and inhaling moments are usually followed by tears - tears of that utmost joy those Happy Christians can't seem to have enough of!

Divide and Conquer

I have not been in a relationship with Jesus that long. For me, the lady few years have truly been the beginning of my end and there's still tons of me to fix. But...I can whole heartedly say that these last few years I've seen great joy and great pain, new beginnings and final endings. To say the least, my Lord Jesus has blown my mind and left me utterly confused all together.
One of the easiest temptations for me had been the notion of salvation fortune - I'm saved so everything goes good for me now- mentality. My pastor has this great saying: Its not clean up your act and follow Jesus, its follow Jesus and watch what He'll do to your act. I love it because it reminds me that only Jesus has the way, the truth and the light. But what I found to be the area of temptation for me is that I want Jesus to clean up my act for the story I write. Jesus, I need this home, that college, this car, my family should be doing this, my children should behave like this..I had my list of successful acts that I wanted 'Jesus' to fix. And although my life was getting cleaned up, He's revealed to me so much more about all of me that shown me there's so much more to success than my list. And my blessings are to be for His kingdom...not my own. I thought the plans I had for me would completely coincide with the plans that He has for me, 100% of the time! Sometimes they have and sometimes they haven't. In this I've learned to trust Him and SEEK Him. Because even when you think you know everything there is to know about the Alpha and Omega, He switches it up and throws you a curve ball.

This new year we make resolutions to help us focus on accomplishing. Where I would normally have a long list, today the Lord had told me clearly,'its not about you and your plans. I'm gonna give you so much more.' And so in retrospect of change, I'm letting go of the reigns and watching my life be given up daily that His will may be done. Its really, really hard but I know that He wouldn't leave my side.
I hope this year the desires of your heart reflect the heart of the Almighty and watch His will be done in your life with amazement! God bless!

Galatians 5:13 NASB

For you were called to freedom, brethren; only  do  not  turn  your freedom into an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.

Trust and obedience...my two least favorite words :p

As a few relationships in my life have been a struggle, I ponder the events of the past and the consequences temporal weakness has brought me. Honestly, I'm more disappointed in myself then anyone.

Its been further difficult to realize and accept that although I'm certain of my feelings and thoughts on a matter, I'm still to fast and pray without ceasing. To be quite honest, I don't want to. I want things to change and I want to have peace about this but as I often prepare to move ahead on my plans, the Good Lord finds a way to whisper, 'trust me'. Trust me. I thought three little words had an impact...whew, not so much as those two. The next moment I usually imagine my life of decisions with and without walking with the Lord and my faith is renewed. 100 out of 100 times He has never failed. I was given the advice to listen to testimony to help me see the work Jesus can do in us when we follow...it was the best advice ever! Nothing beats knowing someone who experienced something you may be going through, other than hearing the scripture they clung to and you know it too! ;)

So, pray without ceasing. Fast if you are being called to fast. Obey because you trust and if He says Be still, know that you're dodging a bullet. Because a renewed mind on God is a powerful perspective.

1 Peter 1:13 NASB

Therefore, prepare your minds for action, keep sober  in spirit,  fix your hope completely on the grace to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.

One step closer ;)

Psalm 119:10 NASB

With all my heart I have sought You;
Do not let me wander from Your commandments.

In much fear and desperation I've watched me strain to not let go of God's hand. I'm sad to admit that and even more ashamed to say that there are times I still let go.
In todays scripture there is so much hope for the sinner who let's go of God's hand in fear, anger, regret, you name it. But to think if we just hold to our love FOR Jesus He can make our ways straight! Verse 14 says that the testimonies of the Lord bring joy, hallelujah!!! In darkness, hold onto light; in despair, cling to the Almighty. The work still to be done in us will bring so many great joy! We all have a testimony to share! Obedience comes from a loving child's heart.

Thank you Lord for Your Word and Your commandments. The blessing of my testimony is that I know You were there. When I am weak, please be my strength. When I am lost, please guide my way. Forgive me for thinking I can live a part of my life without You. I need you and seek only to live my life for You. In Jesus name, Amen.