2 Corinthians 1:8-10 NASB
For we do not want you to be unaware, brethren, of our affliction which came to us in Asia, that we were burdened excessively, beyond our strength, so that we despaired even of life; indeed, we had the sentence of death within ourselves so that we would not trust in ourselves, but in God who raises the dead; who delivered us from so great a peril of death, and will deliver us, He on whom we have set our hope. And He will yet deliver us...
Looking back on 2013, I am in awe of the many ways the Lord has carried me through. Not just me, my family too, to continue to be together to serve Him. Because there were many times it seemed, that we weren't going to hold on.
My husband's relapse earlier this year then again later in the year were huge blows. Another family member choosing the life of drugs over His Promises, hospital testing for me that lasted months, lots of therapy to help us connect with our youngest son...Bridges of trust, shaken and almost collapsed; within our home, within our circle, within our hearts. The Lord had allowed great suffering and after these back to back battles, it seemed to me, the enemy had won. I found no comfort from godly counsel, no quiet prayer time or joy in the arms of my children. This year, my endurance ran out.
I have waited all my life to graduate from college in engineering. It's been a lifelong dream the Lord blessed me with this December. But it was a victory that tasted dry, salty and actually rather less sweet than I thought it would be. The victory I had hoped to see when I walked across that stage was not nearly all I had imagined it to be. It seemed even this triumph was a defeat.
I love how Paul goes back and forth between suffering and comfort in this passage. Because the two go hand in hand when you walk with the Lord. It was hard for me to seek Him, trust Him and believe that all that's happened this year was for GOOD. But today, I am comforted. A comfort I've been in desperate need of. As I look back on 2013, eager to say goodbye to all the hurt and pain, I'm comforted to know that my Lord Jesus has not only carried me but allowed for much refining in a family who belongs to Him. I'm comforted to know that this isn't and hasn't been forever not will it remain.
So whether or not 2014 will be less or more, I'm comforted to know that we are not alone. That there is a greater Good I may not see happening, but led by the Greater Good, a more blissful outcome is to come, one more amazing than I could imagine and produce alone.
Adios 2013, I will be sure to build the remembrance stones to remind me of the suffering endured and more importantly, the comfort received.
Matthew 5:4 NASB
"Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted."
I lost endurance because I couldn't do this with my own strength. I lost faith because I didn't think I could mourn. I have gained comfort realizing: I'm scared my husband will relapse, I'm scared of where our family member might be, I'm worried that I may get sick again, or that I'm unable to have the patience to help my son. But there was never any way I could ever do those things alone. And I'm sad that this has been an account of my year but grateful and comforted to know now that Jesus is just as sad to see these happen. I don't have to hold on to the past, just keep my eyes on Him and watch Him change my future. That hope, in Jesus, is my comfort and all I need to prepare me for the road ahead. Bienvenidos 2014.
