Til Death Do Us Part

I remember very little, very clearly. Everything I remember is kind of like the old movies with fuzz and fade to it. My family teases me about it and everyone understands, Tiff is just so busy. But there are those moments that are just unforgettable. Like my wedding day, when I gave birth (all 4 times) or many other times when we felt as if only God where allowing us to watch. Sometimes it happens like that with bad memories too. I remember the few car accidents I've been in. I remember leaving my ex-husband and packing my kids in the car. I remember the day my husband drove away. There are just things we don't forget - even if we want to.
I guess because I don't remember much, if I remember something, its rather hard to un-remember it. And sometimes, with bad memories, we don't want to let them go and it holds us back from forgiveness. Now, God did NOT create no doorknobs but He did fearfully and wonderfully extend us grace and forgiveness.
Phil 2:8 NASB reminds us:
Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.
So all those bad memories, from anyone they may stem from, we are asked to forgive and be obedient, even to the point of death. Merriem-Webster online defines forgive:

transitive verb

1

a : to give up resentment of or claim to requital for <forgivean insult>

b : to grant relief from payment of <forgive a debt>

2

: to cease to feel resentment against (an offender) : pardon<forgive one's enemies>

Amazing to me that it is found to be a transitive verb; it's a relational verb. It means that it relates not only one thing to another but also to something else. Forgiveness is not only related to what is being forgiven (or not), it spills over into other parts of our life. When we hold on to unforgiveness we hold on to the hurt and pain instead of allowing for true and fruitful restoration. It's a difficult, difficult act. When we remember why we need a Savior, it makes much more sense. We need someone to teach us to forgive, or we won't ever be fully healed and it will spill over into other parts of our lives, affecting who we are, how we act and what we do. Anything with that great an influence needs containment, don't you agree?
Whether you hold on to small resentment or you have years of bitterness, forgiveness isn't about justice. It's about us and our Savior. I had a great sister in Christ remind me, my forgiveness was not about the other person, it was about me and my Lord. It was holding me back from Jesus. Talk about relational! I wasn't trusting the God of the Universe to work out what had happened; to use it for good; to reveal to me His ultimate plan; to refine me and discard the worst parts of my heart. I was just, sisters and brothers, very just in my reason to be angry, hurt, upset; but I was still in disobedience by holding on to unforgiveness. When you have experienced hurt that penetrates deep, you build up walls and use those memories as the mortar that hold them all together. The pain you felt is each brick on that wall that guards your heart from feeling that way again. Honestly, it's the human version of the band aid. When we have up all these band-aid walls, we even keep out Jesus. When we break a leg, does the cast stay on for the rest of our lives? Not even close! If we never decide to remove the band-aid on our hearts, how can we see the restoration that God has planned for us? Tell me you're feeling the excitement I do as you place together the pieces and say, I will let go of my sorrow, my pain, my hurt today?!! I know it's not easy and you really can't let go of all it the first time. A scripture that has given me so much restoration is Ps 51:10.
Create in me a clean heart, O God,
And renew a steadfast spirit within me.
To fathom the thought that Jesus can give us new, clean hearts. What a thought! Do you need a clean, new heart today to experience the steadfast spirit David describes? You don't know if you can run a mile unless you try. It feels like death when we pull off that band-aid. It really does. I know. I really do. But can we be that obedient, to the point of our own death, to see the riches and peace the bible describes? I will tell you personally, it's not an easy, quick, simple task. Sometimes we will have to forgive and forgive and forgive. But don't despair. Use that emptiness, of letting go, to allow for the Creator of the Universe to truly heal you, inside and out. Watch how this relational verb, forgive, gives you a new heart and an enduring spirit.


Oh Lord, you are GOOD, but sometimes this life is not. I have held on to hurts and pains and made my own walls of protection to feel safe and strong again. But I was wrong. Help me to see that You hold the true power to heal me and that I don't deserve distance from You, no one does. I want to be healed and I want to let this go but it's not easy. It feels like I'm dying. But my trust is in You. I will die holding onto this or I will die right now, giving it to You. I trust in Your Promises and all the plans You have for me. I give this unforgiveness to You, my Lord, my Savior. And I ask for a new heart, a clean one that will give me the endurance to run this race and finish well. I thank you for this transparent time with You. In Jesus' name, amen.  

Walking on Water

For I have learned to be content whatever the circumstance...phil 4:11

What a concept that I have the hardest time living out. I'm grateful that Jesus is holding my hand and reminding me of this because on my own, I couldn't. Which explains the latter verse, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. (phil 4:13). (I'm so glad the Lord made it clear, I need simple!) I've listened to Him speak to me and guide me into what I need, what others around me need and still not "ruin my plans" of a happily ever after, not-so-ridiculous home, semi-behaved children and a continuous college journey...not to mention other perks along the way. I don't mean to compare but I can help but keep up with the Joneses. I don't think I look exactly to one particular 'Jones', although the Joneses I do know have it together, which still makes it hard. Besides control issues, my biggest issue is trust. In a world of instant-gratification, we needn't 'trust' on something or someone for very long without some type of result. What if God's timing sometimes doesn't work out for my plans? There's that issue of trust again...do I trust He has a better plan for my life than me??

But one thing I am certain, leaving behind and pressing forward to the upward call of Christ. (phil 3:1). Keeping this verse on the forefront of my mind has allowed my Lord to come into my thoughts about comparison, lack of (items, position or even trust) and it reminds me He is in charge and I asked Him to be. I'm grateful for it, everyday, but I confess it's a horrible struggle and I'm sure He shakes His head but doesn't give up on me (while I would give up and shake my finger! ;p). It's a daily thing, taking up our cross, but it's a wonderful freedom to have peace in a times of a storm or even a drought. Jesus said, "You of little faith..."(matt 14:22-33). Are you ready? Am I ready, to walk on water and experience His miracle in the storm?